Ever since I was little, I've liked to write in a journal about my experiences and my feelings. I would write about what my mom did to me, how she made me felt, the anger I had inside and more. I filled up several journals with pages of anger, hurt and tears. I kept these journals and I've reread them a couple times, just so I can fully understand my feelings and remember the hurt she caused. Reading these journals helped me put the pieces of my life together, and helped me write the books about my life.
Drugs and Alcohol
During most of my life, I was stuck on a constant addiction to being high or being drunk. I burried my pain, anger, humiliation, and hurt under the drugs. They helped me mask my emotions and remain numb at all times. When I was a teenager I looked at it like this, the more drugs I used, the more numb I feel and the more numb I feel, the less pain I have to go through. I constantly tried to new mixtures that people told me about and I always wanted something bigger and better. I kept on this route until I used the most deadly mixture you can use, cocaine, heroin and DXM. This is what I tried to used to end my life, it failed. After this moment, I was sent to a foster care and then that's when my road to recovery started. Looking back, I realize how stupid I was to use all these drugs and drink so much. It didn't help me at all, it just made everything 1000x worse.
When I moved in with John and Darlene after being in the Hawaii rehab center, Steve got me into music. He showed me bands and songs that I ended up loving. Music gave me and Steve something to bond over, like how normal brothers should. When I was growing up, I didn't really listen to that much music, happiness didn't really exist in my house. After I was living with John and Darlene, I even bought two tickets for me and Steve to watch a band we really liked. I never got to go see this show though, because Steve got in trouble. Thank you Steve for showing me what normal teenagers do, what they listen to, and how they act. I lived my teenage years through you.